Life with Coco

Two Years!!!

2012-02-20T15:14:00.000-08:00

Wow...our little girl is two! Coco had her two year checkup at the doctor and she measured a full 36 inches (90th percentile) and 31.7 pounds (88th percentile). We got a "what to expect" note from the doctor which said that she may know more than 50 words and start putting two words together. I am pretty sure her vocabulary is in the several hundreds and she regularly puts together full sentences. It is hysterical sometimes to hear what comes out of her mouth!

We made the mistake of not getting rid of her bottle earlier. She really only uses it when she goes to sleep at this point, but that has not been a very smooth transition. She is very adventurous when it comes to food. She will try pretty much everything. She LOVES tomatoes and any derivative thereof. She can tolerate spicier foods than here Papi.

It has been six weeks now since we moved to LA and it feels like we have been here for much much longer than that. We find ourselves complaining about the cold when it hits 60 degrees and warning people to be careful on the roads on the rare occasion when it rains - true Angelenos. Coco is loving California living. We are outdoors all the time. There is a great little park on the corner where Coco goes at least once a day. It is so much fun exploring the City with her and seeing it through her eyes. Coco and Papi often go on "adventures"

This was from a trip to Will Rogers State Park in Pacific Palisades to see the horses. We got ambitious and went for a hike up the hill to see if there were some good views. We probably wouldn't have selected UGGs and a tutu had we known we were going to go hiking.

Here we are chilling on the beach in Santa Monica. It is always almost completely deserted at 8:30 am on the weekend. I guess it is only the crazy New Yorkers who think it is warm enough to be out there.

Coco had a great little birthday party at the Treehouse Social Club on Melrose. She had about 40 guests and a guest visit from a Princess. MarKo was a little disappointed by the Princesses look and wished he had his hair curler with him to give her a makeover. As it turns out, all of Coco's guests were boys except Kira's sweet daughter Ellie, but they all seemed to enjoy the princess.

Guess who dressed Coco on her birthday?? Her Godmother Jen bought her this adorable pink shirt with a "2" in rhinestones. Victor picked out the pants. Coco's Jewish Godfather Jeffrey made it clear that he did not approve of her outfit. We save the couture for only the really big milestones, lest she get jaded.

Granny Self and Grandma Fraley REALLY got into the princess theme!!

Holidays 2011

2012-01-16T05:01:00.000-08:00

When we were planning out our move to LA, we decided that we definitely wanted to spend one last holiday in Rye to be close to all the family. We decked out the house with two Christmas trees and wrapped the yard with about 20 strands of white lights.

The holidays started off the saturday after Thanksgiving with Grandma and Grandpa's gathering with the grandkids in Enfield, CT to decorate their trees. Each year, they give each of their 6 grandkids a silver ornament to hang on their individual trees. By the time they are 18, they will have a tree full of silver ornaments. The tradition was supposed to stop at 18, but Morgan, their oldest granddaughter who is quickly approaching 18, is negotiating an extension of the age limit. We will see next year if she is successful. Here, Coco is holding the bell from last year.

One of the pics from our holiday card. I was asked many many times if I thought Coco understood what was going on for the holidays. She definitely appreciated the lights, and she would drag me over to the tree to talk through all the different ornaments. She can also identify Santa. She doesn't get too excited around opening presents and she gets overwhelmed if we open more than a couple at a time. We were so busy Christmas morning that we never got around to opening the presents! We ended up doing it on the 26th. That is probably the last time we will have a xmas morning that doesn't involve Coco waking us up at 3am to opening presents.

Thank goodness for the "unbreakable" bulbs from Home Depot! A must for any household with a toddler. Coco did manage to break a few though...

We had a super warm weekend right after thanksgiving. Coco picked these bulbs off the tree that we had outside. We have a real one outside to satisfy Chris' desire for true Norman Rockwell waspiness and the fake one is inside because Victor does not like the pine needles getting all over house. Marriage is all about compromise!

Granny Self stayed with us for the week and helped us get ready for the holidays. Just like last year, we served two meals. For brunch we had Uncle Bill, Colleen, and cousins Jen, Frank, Emma, Foye, Heidi and Ian over. Chris was in charge of brunch and Granny prepared dinner. The dinner guest were Mom, Uncle Bill, Colleen, Mike and his girlfriend Vi, and our friends Michael and Eric came up from the City with Nene's BFF Casey.
Here Granny is helping Coco open one of her gifts.

Coco opening one of her gifts with Daddy and Poppy.

Article in Parenting Magazine

2011-11-16T02:04:00.000-08:00

At the end of the summer, we were approached by a writer from Parenting Magazine who lives in Scarsdale. She had seen our wedding announcement and article in Scarsdale10583.com. She mentioned that she was writing an article on the "New Normal" and asked if we would be willing to be featured. We had a lot of fun with the process. Coco was a superstar for the photo shoot. It was getting pretty close to her naptime, but yet she was in a great mood. Apparently, Parenting has a subscription base of 2 million nationwide.

http://www.parenting.com/article/new-normal-stay-home-dads-gay-parents-and-more?page=0,1

Halloween in WeHo

2011-11-03T11:24:00.001-07:00

The whole family went to LA on October 22nd 1) so that Chris could attend an industry conference, 2) to scope out housing and schools for our UPCOMING MOVE!, and 3) to attend our first trimester screening for Coco's little sister! I guess we don't have that much going on these days. We were going to be there until November 1, so Victor made sure that Coco had ample choices for Halloween costumes. We actually carried out three different outfits, and Coco got to wear them all at various points during the day.

The first look of the day was the Cheerleader (**surprise, surprise** given Victor's history of Cheerleading during his UVA days). Much to Victor's chagrin, this was probably her least favorite outfit of the day. She pranced around West Hollywood in the park in her Cheerleader outfit during the morning.

The next outfit was Goldilocks. It had three little bears in the pockets...very cute.

Goldilocks walking back from the park on Robertson. Coco loved running around in the Parking lot to the right at the John Varvatos store.

We both agree that her favorite outfit was Supergirl! Here Victor is helping her with her takeoff as she flies accross the living room.

We were staying just two blocks south of Santa Monica Boulevard, where the Halloween street fair was taking place. We strolled up there right after dark. We expected to find a parade, like there is in the village in NYC, but it is really more of a street fair, with just hoardes of people walking around in their outfits and a bunch of stages with various acts. There was music coming out of the Abbey. Poppy was feeling it a little more than Coco was. We were all in bed and asleep by 8:30 pm, so we probably did not get the full West Hollywood Halloween experience.

Almost 3 Feet Tall??? How Did That Happen?

2011-09-13T01:58:00.000-07:00

We went to the doctor last week for a checkup and Coco had a great report. I realize I say this everytime we come back from the doctor, but we are so grateful that she has been blessed with good health. Coco seems to be continuing on her track of being taller than her Poppy one day. Here are her stats:

28.6 pounds 90th Percentile
34.6 inches 95th Percentile

Head 85th Percentile

What??? 34.6 inches??? That is almost three feet! How did that happen?? It is pretty clear to see how fast she is growing when we were going through her drawers last week to put aside those close that don't fit her. Victor went away to LA for three days last week and swears that she grew while he was away.

Ok...I know...this is not the most ladylike pose. We will work on that in time. But that face is priceless if I do say so myself. The Luiso family gave her that bathing suit which is absolutely hysterical. It goes perfectly with her skin tone. Coco went from being ok with the beach last summer, to not really liking it when we were in St. Lucia last May, to really loving digging in the sand towards the end of the Fire Island season, much to the dismay of anyone trying to get the sand out of her hair.

Who knew that having a daughter would revive Victor's inner cheerleader??? As many of you may know, Victor was the co-Captain of the University of Virginia cheerleading team when he was there in the early 90's. Coco LOVES being thrown around. Usually when you put her down she shouts MORE!! I keep encouraging Victor to come up with a workout that parents can do with their kids. She is almost 30 pounds afterall!

Grandpa made a MAJOR breakthrough with Coco in early September! When he was staying with us during Memorial Day, Coco was particularly clingy and would not give Grandpa the time of day. She was a little warmer to Grandma in May, but just a little bit. This time they were BFFs. Coco walked over to Grandpa and handed him her "baby". A clear signal that he was ok.

Coco's hair is so much fun. It is curly and makes these great ringlets. This is one of my favorite of Coco's expressions.

Coco looks like such a little girl in this photo compared to last summer where she was just barely able to sit up on her own. This summer she was running, talking, playing, digging in the sand, meeting new friends, etc.

We had an "end of summer" dinner at our house a couple of weeks ago with some of our close friends. We asked them what was the highlight of their summer was and almost all of them said, "watching Coco grow up".

Letter to the Editor - Rye Record

2011-08-31T03:49:00.000-07:00

We were very touched to see this letter to the Editor in the Rye Record. We did not realize this, but the Gazebo where we got Married on the Town Green in Rye was a memorial to the victims of 9/11. The woman who co-created the memorial wrote in to say how happy she was to see the gazebo used for our wedding ceremony. Here is the letter.

Congratulations!

Dear Editor,

As president of Rye September 11th 2001 Memorial, Inc. and co-creator of the September 11th Gazebo on the Village Green, I want to express my happiness at reading that our gazebo was the site of a wedding ceremony for Chris Fraley and Victor Self. While I do not personally know the newlyweds, I speak for my entire committee of family and friends who lost a loved one almost ten years ago when I say this is the most beautiful affirmation that life does indeed carry on. Our dear Sean, who was killed on September 11th 2001, and whose name is inscribed on a plaque at our gazebo, would be so touched to know this memorial is also serving as a place of happiness and celebration, and not one of only sadness and grief.So, I offer my heartfelt congratulations to the new couple, Mr. Fraley and Mr. Self, and wish them a long, happy, and healthy life together. And I thank them for choosing the gazebo as the place to officially begin their married life.

Sincerely,Holly O’Neill-Melville

Coco at 18 months

2011-08-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

Coco turned 18 months on August 4th! This has been such a fun age to be a part of. Her personality is really starting to show. She has a great sense of humor and loves to play hide and seek.

We are very fortunate that Coco has a pretty good appetite. She loves tomatos, she will take one the size of an orange and eat the whole thing like an apple, right down to the stem. She also loves asparagus and eats them like they are a piece of licorice. She would eat pizza every day if we let her and she has developed a very strong preference for "shummies" (gummy bears)...could that be genetic??

We are very fortunate with her sleeping habits. Going down to bed at night is rarely a problem. In fact, she usually tells us that she is ready for bed. We know that this can change as she gets older, but we are enjoying it while it lasts. She might get up once during the night, but generally she is a very sound sleeper.

Coco is incredibly active. Yesterday Poppy took her to breakfast in Cherry Grove. She walked all the way from our house at Bay and Pine in the Pines to the center of town in Cherry Grove. I kept trying to pick her up, thinking that she would be tired and she would squirm and say "Walk!". The walk had to be well over a mile. After breakfast she got up and started running around again and walked most of the way back home. Her back is one solid muscle. The other day during a playdate at a friends house, she slipped and fell into the pool. Before she was underwater, she grabbed onto the side of the pool and held herself up, bicepts bulging, much to the amazement of everyone watching.

She is a little chatterbox! It is amazing how much she understands. It seems like every week she is coming up with something new. I got very excited when she started putting two words together. The other day, she was up very early so Poppy took her to see the sunrise on the beach. She pointed in a easterly direction and said "Sun coming!!"

This pic looks like a mix between an Intensati pose and lip-synching at a rock concert. The contrast with the girly bows is classic.

In downtown Rye on the way from our wedding ceremony on the town green to Frankie and Johnnies, where the reception was. Coco was a perfect angel at the event. It was incredibly hot and humid, but she held up well in her big puffy white dress.

She is a big fan of music making. There was a mini bongo drum at the house in the Pines, as well as a mini xylophone, which have both been big hits.

Joe Conforti and Doug Jakubowski gave Coco this crocodile which is one of her favorite toys. She named it "croc" and loves to walk it down the boardwalks in Fire Island. She used it so much that the head fell off. Victor went and bought another one, which is actually a hedgehog, but it was enough to satisfy her.

This is one of my favorite faces of Coco's. She gets into a laughing fit and lets out the funniest expression.

Article in Scarsdale10583.com

2011-08-09T03:33:00.000-07:00

http://www.scarsdale10583.com/201108081844/people/proud-dads-among-first-to-marry-in-westchester.html

Wedding Announcement in Rye Record

2011-08-02T01:44:00.001-07:00

Wedding announcement in Rye Record

http://www.ryerecord.com/Morsels%20on%20Rye.htm

Shout out to Coco!

2011-07-29T01:19:00.000-07:00

Senator Oppenhiemer gives Coco a shout out!

http://www.nysenate.gov/press-release/oppenheimer-celebrates-marriage-equality

Blurb in Myrye.com

2011-07-29T01:01:00.000-07:00

We were very honored to have state Senator Suzi Oppenheimer attend our wedding. She fought tirelessly for the Marriage Equality Bill including co-sponsoring the original bill.

http://www.myrye.com/my_weblog/2011/07/gay-couple-in-rye-ties-knot-oppenheimer-applauds-attends.html#tp

The Daily Rye Article

2011-07-26T04:19:00.001-07:00

Article in the Daily Rye

http://www.thedailyrye.com/neighbors/gay-couple-first-be-married-rye

Patch.com covered the actual wedding too...

2011-07-25T02:36:00.000-07:00

http://rye.patch.com/articles/making-history-rye-couple-weds-on-first-day-of-same-sex-marriages-in-new-york#c

Coco the Covergirl

2011-07-23T03:46:00.000-07:00

The Gay City News had us on the cover of their Wedding Supplement and a nice article inside.

http://www.gaycitynews.com/articles/2011/07/22/gay_city_news/features/doc4e28d544ab6cf323258478.txt

Westchester Journal News Article

2011-07-23T02:57:00.000-07:00

Another nice article in the Westchester Journal News. Thank you Seth for the nice photo!

http://www.lohud.com/article/20110723/NEWS02/107230342/For-Rye-couple-gay-marriage-law-brings-another-do-

Article in Rye Patch

2011-07-22T02:29:00.000-07:00

We were recently interviewed for our re: our upcoming LEGAL marriage ceremony.

http://rye.patch.com/articles/immediate-impact-of-marriage-equality-act-expected-in-westchester

Memorial Day Weekend with Grandma and Grandpa

2011-07-16T02:30:00.000-07:00

Grandma and Grandpa came to visit us in Fire Island for Memorial Day weekend. It was one of the first beach weekends for us with great weather. As with most people that she doesn't see on a daily basis, it took a little while for Coco to warm up to Grandma and Grandpa, but she was holding court in no time.

One of the routines at the beach is Coco's and Nene's early morning long walk on the beach. We usually stop by the Winterling/Peck residence and Eric and Casey (Nene's "cousin" from the same breeder) join us. Nene loves to chase that miniature tennis ball in her mouth.

Beach walk #2 of the day with Grandma.

Coco holding court on the beach with Grandma and Grandpa. Mr. Michael and Mr. John in the background.

Sitting on our back patio after lunch. This was one of Coco's last opportunities to grab Daddy's hair!! Victor cut his dreads off the following week.

"If you're happy and you know it..." is a big hit with Coco. It is sure to get her giggling. Grandma is clearly on the "shout hooray!" stanza.

Coco at 16 months

2011-05-29T04:25:00.000-07:00

Coco was 16 months last Friday! She had her check up last week and got her latest stats. She is 32 inches tall and 26 pounds, 2 ounces and is in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. We are soo blessed that she has had almost perfect health (just the sniffles and an occassional rash)

She is turning into a little chatterbox and has a growing vocabulary of probably 30-40 words. It is amazing how much she understands. If we ask her, "Coco, can you bring me by glasses?" she will usually pick them up and bring them over. If we ask her, "what sound does a duck make?" she will start quacking. One of the cutest things she does is say her own name. When we say, "Coco, what is your name?" She will say something that sounds like gogo.

Coco definitely likes her independence even at this age (yikes! ...foreshadowing???). She much prefers to feed herself, even though she makes a mess. Right before it is time to go to bed, she usually has one last burst of energy where she starts running around in circles. Thank goodness she is great at bedtime (**knocking on wood**) and usually goes right to bed without any fuss. She has a very active social life with playdates almost every day.

Coco's hair is getting long enough now that we can start doing cute things with it. Here she is all dressed up for Poppy's birthday dinner.

She looks sooo cute with her hair slicked back after her evening bath.

Coco chillin in her favorite chair with one of her birthday present dresses on.

Coco loves books, but the pop up ones usually don't last very long because she loves to rip the pieces out.

St Lucia

2011-05-03T02:28:00.000-07:00

On April 21st we left for our first international trip with Coco to St. Lucia. (it was actually April 22nd for Chris since he discovered that his passport expired the night before we were supposed to leave...but that is another story). We were obviously very nervous about the trip...how would Coco do on the plane? ...how would she sleep?...etc. As it turned out, everything worked out great! Coco was a gem on both flights.

Our voyage was based upon a fitness retreat that Victor was asked to teach at the Cap Maison resort. The event occured from Thursday, April 28th through May 1. About 20 fitness fanatics from Westchester joined. We went down a week early to have some R&R before the event. Despite several days of continuous rain, the event was a great success!

One of the highlights of the trip was being able to finally dress Coco up in the many summer outfits and bathing suits that she received for her birthday.

Last summer, Coco could not get enough of the pool. She would sit in her little flotation device and splash around gleefully. For some reason, she was not so into the pool on this trip, unfortunately. She is also still a bit intimidated by the ocean. We think maybe the waves are a bit loud for her.

By the end of the trip, though, she seemed to love to sit by the edge of the pool and dip her feet in. Here she is sitting with Daddy in a cute little bathing suit that the Luisos gave her.

Poppy saw this adorable little "skirtini" in the Chasing Fireflies catalogue and had to get it for little Miss Coco!

While the main part of the beach was very overwhelming for her, we were able to lure Coco in to splash around in this little cove that was pretty protected from the waves. Maria from Chris' office gave Coco this cute little frilly one piece.

Chillin' with Daddies

Poppy was in Miami browsing through a baby store on Lincoln Road and saw these cute little Havianas for babies. So cute!

Roadtrip to Provincetown

2011-05-03T02:00:00.001-07:00

We headed up to Provincetown to celebrate Grammy's 65th birthday. It was our first road trip in at least 6 months. Coco was a gem on the trip up. She slept for a couple of hours and caught up on her favorite Elmo video. It is funny how she already can make her preferences known about which videos she likes to watch. Unfortunately, she really only likes one video, which she is happy to watch over and over again...much to the chagrin of Poppy.

Coco got a little disoriented in the new environment and panicked at night when she woke up and did not realize where she was. I guess that is understandable given that she has slept in the same crib for the last 6 months.

One of Coco's favorite activities is walking Baby. It is so funny watching her personality develop. She tends to be very...er...determined. We went for a walk on the Moors in PTown at the very end of Bradford Street. I thought we would leave the stroller by the road, but Coco was very focused on walking baby across the dunes. Coco is a little bundle of energy and I was curious to see how far she could walk with the stroller. She kept going and going...we must have walked about a mile...I wonder where she gets that from??

Coco playing peek-a-boo with Michelle at Grammy's birthday luncheon. The gorgeous red dress was a gift from Granny Self.

Coco with the Birthday Gal.

I love it when Daddy gives me kisses!

Coco on the Dunes! The first of many many dune walks in her life!

You are the Sunshine of my Life

2011-03-27T02:14:00.000-07:00

Springtime!!!

2011-03-26T03:26:00.001-07:00

Springtime has finally arrived in New York!! Just in time. When Coco started walking, it was rough keeping her cooped up in the house all day. We had a foot of snow outside and everything was a sloppy mess. She wanted to run around and get some exercise (I wonder where she gets that from??) One of our favorite activities is to go on long walks. Rye has a lot of great places to go (Playland, the nature trails, etc).

This pic is taken from our neighbor's yard. Two weeks before it was taken, the grass was covered with a foot of snow. It all melted and hundreds of lavendar crocuses popped up! I don't remember it doing that last year. It only lasted a few days. I think the deer came by and gobbled them all up.

On one of our long walks on Rye Playland boardwalk. Coco loves to hold Nene's leash. She feel like a big girl. We usually don't let her keep it that long since Nene is not so crazy about it.

Coco grinning with some teeth! She has the same adorable two front teeth like her Daddy and Granny!

Cruising down the main street in Old Greenwich with Mr. Sock.

One year check up

2011-02-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

Coco went to the doctor this week for her one year check up. She weighed in at 25 pounds, 6 ounces, which is the 90th percentile for her age. Her height was 31 inches, which is the 95th percentile. She grew one inch since her last checkup at 9 months.

She has about 10 words that she uses pretty regularly. Dada, Nene, Bye bye, night night, baba (bottle). Our favorite is her use of the word "hot". We originally used the word to dissuade her from touching the light bulb at the desk lamp in her room. Now she uses it to refer to any source of light. She will point to any light fixture, or the sun, and say "hot"! Our least favorite word in her vocabulary is "NO", which she has unfortunately mastered at a young age.

Last week Coco went to two birthday parties. One was at the Little Gym in Scarsdale where she got to play on the mats. Not easy to navigate the mats in skinny jeans. Next time Daddies will dress her in sweats.
For the most part, Coco has a great appetite. She could eat fruit all day long (grapes and blueberries especially). Although she is a little more picky when it comes to veggies and meats. She much prefers to feed herself. At the birthday party last week, she grabbed the piece of pizza and started chomping down.

One of her gifts for her birthday was this stroller. She loves walking around the house with it.

Coco's First Birthday

2011-02-08T02:39:00.001-08:00

We celebrated Coco's first birthday on Saturday, February 5th. We invited a wide variety of our friends from NYC, our new friends from Westchester, Chris' colleagues from work and some of Coco's friends from her various playdates. There were probably about 80 people in total with roughly 20 kids.

I must say that I met Coco's first birthday with a mixture of emotions. I am so happy at how fortunate we have been. We are so incredibly grateful about how healthy she has been. She had the sniffles for a couple of days, but that was pretty much it (***knocking on wood***). She has developed into a beautiful, healthy and happy little girl. On the other hand, it is a little overwhelming how fast it is all going. It seems like just yesterday she couldn't hold her neck up on her own and now she is running around and insisting on feeding herself. I guess the only way to slow things down is to cherish every moment and live in the present. It is such a cliche, but so true.

We thought it would be special and more personal to have the party at our house, which presented some logistical problems given that we really don't have any parking. We were fortunate enough to get permission from the landlord of the office building accross the street to use their lot. We have been having a very rough winter and we still probably had a foot of snow on the ground. It has rarely been above freezing, so there was a lot of ice on the driveway. The weather forecast predicted snow and ice on the big day, which deterred a number of our guests from making the journey. Fortunately, the snow quickly turned to rain and I was able to chip a lot of the ice off the driveway.

Elmo came and was a big hit! Coco was a little freaked out at first, but eventually warmed up to him. We are very grateful to Eric Winterling who made Coco's stunning dress!

We were a bit overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and family. It took two days to open all of the gifts. She received over 50 outfits, 8 pairs of shoes, jewelry, countless toys and books. She is definitely all set for spring and summer and has loads of entertainment for the foreseeable future.

My my...how different our lives are from a year or two ago!! Who knew being dads could be this much fun!!

Coco had the pinkalicous cake from Crumbs. It weighed about 80 pounds. Believe it or not, the whole things was gone within the week!! Special thanks to Reggie Luiso who helped us cut the cake with such mastery and speed!!

Coco Walking around in the house.

2011-01-30T04:47:00.001-08:00

We are considering Coco's first walk to be January 18th. Victor was on the phone in our bedroom and Coco walked about 10 feet. He almost fell over. She was pretty tentative the following week, but a little more that a week later she was walking long distances holding things and squatting down to pick things up. Here she is on January 29th.

Here is a link to her scooting around the house.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnfa2bAdWZk

Christmas in Rye

2011-01-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

It was a very special holiday season for us this year, if not the best that Victor and I have spent together. Last year it was difficult for us to relax because Coco was due in early Feb and we were getting ready to leave for LA on Jan 4th 2010. We were glued to our phones since Kira had been early with her previous pregnancies and we were very concerned about missing Coco's birth. Before last year, we had spent every Xmas since 2003 in Florida, which we love, but it just isn't the same as being in a cold, wintry environment.

As soon as our guests left from Thanksgiving dinner and everything was cleaned up, I went down into the basement and started gathering up all the Xmas stuff. Mariah Carey's holiday album was on repeat on our ipod docking station for about two weeks (until Victor started going a little crazy and added a few more holiday tunes to the shuffle). We had two trees, a real one outside and the fake one was inside. Last year, they were both inside, but Victor expressed concern about Coco eating the tree fallings, so I agreed to put it outside. The outside was decorated with about 20 strands of lights.

On Christmas Eve, we went up to Glastonbury CT to visit at my aunt Lil's house. My mother's mother's parents emmigrated from Poland, settled in Glastonbury, and had 9 children, most of whom stayed in Glastonbury. I used to joke that I was somehow related to half the town. We always went to my great-grandmother's house on Xmas eve as a kid, as now the family meets at Aunt Lil's, who lives next door. Santa always visited when I was a kid since there were always a large pack of kids that were believers. A couple of years ago, Santa stopped coming, but when Mom confirmed that Coco was coming, she went into the basement of Lil's house and found the Santa outfit. Coco was a little freaked out at first (as you can see from the pic - yes, that is my mother), but she ultimately warmed up. There was a great turnout of about 40 relatives, many of whom I had not seen for 10 years.

Granny Self arrived on 12/20. She was a huge help watching Coco and helping us prepare Christmas Dinner. We had about 16 people over for brunch and about 15 over for dinner. Only about half of our guests were able to stay for both. It was a great format since most of our family was able to stop by at some point during the day. Best of all, we didn't have to travel anywhere with Coco and she could nap whenever she felt like it. She took two very long naps on Xmas day, so she was very well rested and able to be her charming self.

Coco had a blast ripping open the presents! We were overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and family with all of the gifts that Coco received. It took about two hours to open everything, and about two days to assemble everything (although we are not done yet).

Believe it or not, these matching outfits were Victor's idea! I couldn't believe it when he came home with them. (I thought I was supposed to be the holiday geek??) At first I wasn't really into it, but we ended up having a lot of fun. Granny Self told me I looked like a convict.

The day after Christmas we had a massive blizzard. It gave us a great excuse not to leave the house for three days, which was incredible. It was a hassle getting all the snow cleaned up, but seeing our Xmas tree filled with snow was magical and made it all worthwhile!!

December 2010

2011-01-02T11:04:00.001-08:00

Coco turned 10 months on December 4. It is amazing how fast she is changing. She has been sleeping very well with usually a good solid 11 hours at night and two solid naps that are between 1-2 hours each. That might be becuase she is getting so much exercise. She is not walking yet (as of the date of this post), but it feels like it is going to be any day now. She will stand on her own and balance for a few seconds at a time. She has no problem walking if she is holding on to someone's finger. She also loves the walker and loves to chase Poppy around the living room while sitting in it.

I went to San Francisco the second week of December for work and when I came back Coco starting doing this full mouth laugh. It is so funny to watch. She gets so silly! Here Daddy is practicing some cheerleader moves with Coco from his UVA days.

We had a pretty serious blizzard in the Northeast towards the end of December which kept us cooped up in the house quite a bit. I decided to get Coco some fresh air. It was still very windy and the snow was blowing around quite a bit. Coco kept trying to catch the snow with her tongue.

We went over to Weehawken to see our friends Kellen and Patricia who just had a baby named Olivia in September. Coco is normally pretty rough with kids that are smaller than her (pulling noses, hair, etc), but fortunately she was pretty gentile with Olivia. Here they are holding hands...so sweet!

The other shocker when I was away in San Fran the second week in December was that Coco clearly started saying words. We were sitting in the living room and Coco pointed to the picture of Victor and said "Dada". I almost fell off my chair. She can also say "Nene", "bye bye", "night night", and "baba" for bottle. She is still working on "Poppy" though.

Victor went to walk Nene and Coco crawled over to the window and stood up to watch them walk away.

Xmas and Grandma and Grandpa's

2010-12-03T02:10:00.000-08:00

Dad and Bev were heading to Florida for the season, so they invited their grandkids over the Saturday after Thanksgiving to put up their xmas trees. They have a wonderful tradition where each one of their grandkids have their own tree. Every year they give them a silver ornament so that by the time they are adults, they have a beautiful collection of silver ornaments. The first year they get a silver bell. Coco got her little bell and put it on her tree.

Watching Coco with her bell was so adorable that Poppy got a little overwhelmed and had to excuse himself to let out a good cry in the bedroom.

Coco with her cousins Mitchell, Tyler, Morgan, Becca and Ben

The photo session for her holiday card

Halloween!

2010-11-21T02:42:00.001-08:00

We were very excited just before our first Halloween in the burbs last year. We never got one "trick-or-treater" at our apartment in Brooklyn. We piled up with pounds and pounds of candy in anticipation of the hoardes of kids that would be coming to our house. Last year, we did not get visitor and I think we still have candy tucked away. We got the inside scoop that all the true Halloween activity occurs in the pedestrial friendly part of town. Our friends Randy and Larry invited us down to their house for a little party with a few other couples. We dressed Coco up in a Lamb costume. We also got an adorable kitten outfit from our friend Liz Arnoff which Coco sported with the family in our pre-halloween viewing.

She loves to stand on her tippy-toes!

Those hoofs are too much!

She looks as if she is about to make a very important speech.

Just before we walked around in the beach area of Rye.

9 month checkup

2010-11-20T18:48:00.000-08:00

Coco turned 9 months on November 4th! It seems as if every week she is doing something new and exciting. She started crawling at about 8 months. It was difficult to call it crawl at first since she would move forward a little bit, then backwards. Not a very efficient way to get from one place to another. A couple of weeks later, I was laying on the floor and she crawled up to me, put her hands on my hips and stood up. I was pretty stunned. After mastering standing, she became pretty good at shuffing down the couch in a standing position if she saw something that she wants. She will probably start walking any day now.

Coco continues to grow at a rate of about one inch per month. She was 30 inches tall at her last appointment. Her weight gain has stabilized with her most recent weigh in at 23 pounds, one ounce. The doctor was at one point worried that she was gaining weight too fast, now that has reversed. She is definitely going through a growth spurt and she doesn't have the appetite she once had. That might have something to do with her teething. It looks like she has four teeth looking to pop through at the same time to join the two she has already. Ouch! She is handling it like a trooper though!

We had all the grandparents together for a group photos for Granny Self's birthday celebration.

Hours of entertainment with Coco's box of toys.

We went for a walk in the Rye Marshlands on the second weekend it November. It was a stunning day in the mid-60's! Here we are crashed out on the beach. Hard to beleive this is just one mile from our house.

Coco sporting her pink UGGs from the Luiso family.

Standing, Crawling, Clapping and Swinging

2010-10-27T03:14:00.000-07:00

Just a couple weeks after Coco starting officially crawling, she is darting all over the house. She is also standing for extended periods of time if we put her next to something that she can lean on. Yesterday we were sitting around and she crawled over to me, put her hands on my leg, extended her legs and pushed herself up to a standing position.

One of Coco's favorite activities is the Mother Goose Reading Hour (actually 20 mins fortunately) at the Rye Library. She learned to clap there.

The Rye Historical Society sponsored a pumpkin picking and carving event. Seemed like a perfect fall outing. We walked away with a pretty cool carved pumpkin.

Coco demonstrating her standing skills during a visit to the Caiola McGill residence in the Hamptons. Adam and William are in the background

Coco could stay in the swing for an hour without complaining. She loves it. She usually has a fit when it is time to get out, regardless of how much time she has spent in the swing. Our cousins Buddy and Urusula and family gave us that adorable outfit that she has on.

Arm flapping is another favorite Coco pastime. Here she is wearing one of the many dresses that were included in the John Laidman/Alicja dossier.

Having a blast with the cousins: Ben and Becca Fraley and Emma Lincks. They are all so good with her.

Coco at 8 Months

2010-10-07T03:08:00.000-07:00

Coco turned 8 months on Monday. We are very blessed that she has been completely healthy and happy! She is sleeping and eating very well. She is starting to move around quite a bit. We are calling her first official crawl last Sunday. She easily goes from a seated position to a crawl position, but she would usually go backwards instead of forwards! Now when she sees something on the other side of the room that she wants she can make her way over there. Fortunately, she is not that fast though...yet...

She loves her swing called "jenny jump up". It is a contraption that hangs from a door jamb that allows her to jump up and down. She will often want to stay in there for 20 minutes. We think it is great for her leg muscles, so we encourage it...especially since she loves it so much.

Coco with Grandma Fraley. The dress was a gift from John Laidman and Alicja. She looks soo cute in it!

Coco in her Jenny Jump Up. She can now wear larger bows in her hair, which dramatically increases her accessorizing options.

A sweet moment with cousin Ben. Diana White from my office gave her that outfit which is hysterical. It is so cute to see a little baby in a sophisticated "Diane von Furstenburg-esque" wrap look.

Coco striking a pose (a little scary that she can be a ham at 8 months). Enjoying some quality time with Grandma and Grandpa.

I love this pic. Coco is watching Daddy teach his "Boot Camp" at the Rye High School. She is all decked out in her turquoise Juicy Couture sweat suit that her Jewish Godmother Robin gave her while we were still in LA.

Swimtime!!

2010-09-28T01:38:00.001-07:00

Coco started her swimming lessons at the Rye YMCA a couple of weeks ago. We are lucky in that she really seems to enjoy the water. It will probably be a few years until she can swim on her own, but it is good to get babies accustomed to the water while they are young. They have us practice getting her head dunked under the water. We were afraid to do it at first, but Coco seemed ok with it. Class has been great fun and it has been terrific meeting babies Coco's age in Rye.

Fortunately the pool is heated!

All the parents stand around in a circle and the instructor throws the ball in the middle. The parents bring the babies toward the ball. This is the one exercise Coco is not too fond of. I think she freaks out being in the crowd of babies for some reason.

Coco getting dunked! The instructor recommends that we count 1,2,3...blow in thier face lightly, and then go under together. Blowing in their faces makes them hold thier breath.

Coco loves watching us blow bubbles in the water.

Not sure who is having more fun...Daddy or Coco!

Seven Month Checkup

2010-09-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

Coco had her seven month checkup yesterday. We are very blessed that she has been completely healthy since she was born (**knocking on wood**). She weighed in at 22 pounds, up one pound over the months and 28 inches, half an inch longer than last months. The doctor said that she was the 105th percentile for weight (??) in retrospect, I am not sure how it is possible to more that 100%, but she looks great and is very healthy so we are not going to read too much into it.

Coco had been a very good sleeper since birth, sometimes sleeping as much as 12 hours from 6:30 pm to 6:30 am, but she started going backwards a bit over the summer waking up a 2-3 times during the night. We think this may have been due to staying in Fire Island and maybe she was not used to her surroundings. When we got back to Rye we decided some dreaded sleep training was in order. The first night was a little rough. She woke up around midnight started crying. We practiced the Ferber Method where you go in every 12 minutes and just put your hand on her to sooth her, but do not pick her up out of the crib. That went on for about 1.5 hours, but then she slept until 5:30 or so. The next night it went on for about 30 minutes, but the crying was a bit more extreme. The third night was a little less and by the end of the week, she was pretty much back to sleeping through the night. Let's hope that keeps up!!

She is starting to look like such a little girl!!

She has two teeth on her bottom jaw. You can see them in this pic.

My father's cousins in Missouri and Minnesota made her this beautiful seersucker dress. We have received so much love and support from our family and extended family. We have never met Dee or Paula, but they sent us a huge care package filled with wonderful gifts for her. Seersucker is definitely the look this season...very chic!!

Summertime!!

2010-09-11T01:37:00.000-07:00

We were very fortunate to be able to spend a big chunk of time in Fire Island this summer. Coco loves the water. She started the summer being very sensitive to light and wind, which made being outside not so pleasant at times, but by the end of the summer, she seemed to enjoy being outside a lot more.

Family portrait at the beach. Coco loves to yank on Nene's tail unfortunately. She seems to be going for it in this pic.

We love the dress that Coco has on. My godmother, Aunt Sandi, sent it from Hawaii.

Eva put Granny Self's hat on Coco and we all got really silly!

She looks like such a little girl in this pic. What a sweet face. Her auntie Mechelle gave her that sweet dress which fits perfectly.

Lazy days of summer!

Coco's 6 Month Checkup

2010-08-11T03:07:00.000-07:00

Coco had her 6 month checkup yesterday with Dr. Madj. She weighed in at 21 pounds, up roughly 1.5 pounds since her 5 month checkup. She also grew about one inch, now totalling 27.5 inches. She is eating solid foods very well and has a great appetite. Bananas, pears, applesauce, sweet potatoes, carrots, etc. The doctor originally had her skip over cereals since she was in the 99th percentile for weight (they usually recommend cereal for weight gain...although clearly that was not a need of Coco's). She is now the 98th percentile for weight and 95th for height.

It seems like every week she is doing something new. I went away for a business trip for three days and when I came back she was sitting up like a champ (see pic on right). Her bib was a gift of Denise Roberts Hurlin who runs the Fire Island Dance festival. They made a special bib for Coco which says "my first dance festival". One the other side is a tuxedo shirt...so cute!

We have been spending quite a bit of time this summer on Fire Island. Coco has become good friends with Aiden (right), the son of Robbie Regina and Gene Kagan. They play quite a bit and are super cute together.

Patricia Moreno and Kellen Mori stopped by in Fire Island and gave Coco the toy she is holding. Patricia is due in early September. They are expecting a little girl and have named her Olivia. Coco is eagerly awaiting the arrival of Oliva!

Granny Self came to stay with us in Fire Island for the Christening. Coco has found her voice and loves to sing and chirp. Granny Self and Coco love to sing to each other. I captured one of their chirping sessions on the pic to the right.

Interview in Rye Patch

2010-08-05T02:12:00.000-07:00

Victor was interviewed recently for an article on the gays in Westchester.

http://rye.patch.com/articles/an-invisible-community-in-plain-sight-2

Coco's Christening on the Beach

2010-08-01T04:17:00.000-07:00

On July 25th we Christened Coco on the Beach in Fire Island Pines. The ceremony was conducted by Rev. Bill Warner-Prouty, the minister who presided over Chris' confirmation at the First Church in Windsor almost 30 years ago. Mike Fraley and Jennifer Lincks were asked to be the godparents. There were almost 100 guests in attendance. We had a brunch to celebrate at Whyte Hall after the ceremony.

Nephew Ben with his cousin Coco.

We cut some bamboo out of the yard to give ourselves some shade. The weather was a little hot, but otherwise perfect!

Bill Warner-Prouty with little Coco. She managed to get through the entire service without melting down despite the heat and sun.

Nephew Ben retrieved the water from the Ocean and Neice Becca held on to the chalice. Bill's wife Sue made the chalice with her own hands.

Coco's dress was picked out by our friend Jeffrey during a trip to Paris. In the spirit of the Congregationist Church, which encourages it's members to understand other religions, we named Jeffrey Kalinsky and Robin Arnold as Coco's Jewish Godparents to make sure she understands other traditions and religions.

Coco Rolls Over!!

2010-06-26T03:40:00.000-07:00

Coco rolled over for the first time a couple of weeks ago, then did not do it very often thereafter. She now has it down and rolls very frequently. We think all the exercise is making her a little trimmer. She doesn't seem a chunky as she was a few weeks ago. Hopefully she will be able to keep the weight on as she gets more and more active.

June Pics

2010-06-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

"I'm ready for the beach Poppy!

Auntie Mechelle gets leave from the military to visit her neice and celebrate Victor's 40th!

Grand ol'time with cousins.

"I got all dressed up in this pretty dress for Daddy's birthday, but I got hot and it was loud, so I got a little cranky and went to bed"

I love it when Daddy gives me a big hug.

Coco's 4 Month Checkup!

2010-06-08T02:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Coco had her four month checkup. We are incredibly grateful that she is healthy and happy and has not been sick once (**knocking on wood**)! She weighed in at 18 pounds 5 ounces and is 26 inches long, putting her way past the 90th percentile in all categories.

The doctor told us that we could begin to introduce solid foods, but that she would prefer that we wait until she seems unhappy with the formula. Most babies start off with a cereal, becuase it is helpful with weigh gain, but our doctor told us we could skip right over that since keeping on the weigh is the least of Coco's concerns. We will need to keep her eating the same thing for several days in order to tell whether she is having an allergic reaction to a specific food.

Coco continues to sleep very well. She starts her bedtime routine around 6:30 - 7 and usually goes down pretty easily. She will usually wake up in the middle of the night once, but goes back to sleep pretty quickly. She will wake up usually between 4:30 - 6:30. There was a period where she was sleeping 12 hours straight, but that seems to have subsided for the time being. The doctor thought that is was probably the result of a growth spurt.

She is not very happy when her routine is broken, so we do our best not to disrupt that. We deliberately had Victor's 40th birthday party start at 5:30 so our guests would have a little quality time with Coco before her bathtime. She got all dressed up in a cute dress, but the noise, heat and crowd put her into a little bit of a meltdown...so we thought it best that she have her peace inside in the A/C.

She is pretty clearly starting to teeth. She has been drooling a lot more than in the past and she likes to chew on anything that gets in her way. It is so cute to see her lunge at something and chomp down in a biting fashion. Her little gums are swollen, but there are no teeth poking out yet.

During the past month, Coco has been incredibly responsive. She get very giggly and clearly recognizes faces. Nothing is cuter than the look on her face when we walk into her room first thing in the morning and she recognizes us. She usually gets very silly. Probably because she knows that it is time for Poppy's Dance Party!

The doctor was amazed at how well she is sitting up! She still needs support, but she can sit for extended periods of time. We keep waiting for her to roll over, it has felt for the past few weeks that she is about to do it any day. I think that her size is making the rolling a challenge.

First trip to Provincetown

2010-05-27T15:41:00.000-07:00

We made our first road trip to Provincetown. Coco was a real trooper for the first 4 hours. She got a little tired of being in her car seat for the last hour. One the way home we got stuck in traffic and then Coco was really unhappy. We had a terrific weekend and love Grammy's new place! It is perfect.

3 Month Checkup

2010-05-08T06:37:00.001-07:00

May 4 was Coco's three month birthday! She had her three month checkup at the Doctor and all was great. She has been in perfect health (knock on wood) and is eating and sleeping like a star. She weighed in at 15 lbs 12 oz and was 24.5 inches long. That would put her in the 98th percentile for weight and around 90th for height.

She usually goes to bed around 7pm. She generally wakes up once sometime between 1-4 has something to eat and then crashed for a few more hours until 5-7am. We couldn't ask for a better baby. She is very good at settling herself. At first, we would need to rock her to sleep and wait until she was completely out until we put her in her crib. If we put her down too early and she wasn't totally asleep, she would start crying. Now she is on a much better pattern were she might complain for a few seconds, but then crash immediately.

Letter Published in Journal News

2010-05-02T01:06:00.000-07:00

The Westchester Journal News picked up our letter below and ran it in the April 30th edition! The article also included a great pic of the three of us. Here is the link below:

http://www.lohud.com/article/20100430/OPINION/4300309/-1/SPORTS/U.S.--N.Y.-lag-in-commitment-to-equality

2010-04-27T13:31:00.001-07:00

A few new pics

2010-04-22T02:31:00.001-07:00

Letter to NYT Op Ed

2010-04-22T02:23:00.000-07:00

We sent this letter to the op-ed Editor at the New York Times a couple of weeks ago. It was not published, but it felt really good to write it.

Discrimination on Tax and Wedding Day

My partner Victor and I were married by our family minister in St Barths in a ceremony that was beautifully chronicled by the New York Times on April 27th, 2008. While we were on our honeymoon in South Africa, we received an email from the Empire State Pride Agenda that the New York State Supreme Court ruled that same sex marriages that are performed legally elsewhere will be recognized as valid in New York State. Inspired by the ruling, we took advantage of South Africa’s strong commitment to equality and got legally married in a small ceremony about a 30 minute drive east of Capetown.

On February 4, 2010, with the help of our loving surrogate, Kira Sanders of California, and many doctors, attorneys and case workers, we gave birth to our daughter Coco. She has become the love our lives and has bestowed upon us blessings that we did not previously imagine possible. Coco’s birth has inspired us to do everything we possibly can to fight to make sure that our family is treated equally.

For the first time, I actually looked forward to filing my taxes. While the federal government still discriminates against us, I assumed that we would be eligible to file as a married couple for the purposes of New York State taxes. While many people may think this is an odd thing to be excited about, for us it represented one large step toward equality. After Coco’s birth, we had a renewed sense of financial and estate planning. It became clear that if I passed away suddenly, Victor and Coco could be at risk of financial insolvency as a result of the estate taxes that would be due as a result of most of our net worth being tied up in illiquid real estate partnerships. A family based on a more traditional marriage would not be subject to that unsettling risk given that the family assets would pass seamlessly to the spouse.

With the help of Empire State Pride Agenda, I learned that we are not eligible to file our taxes as a married couple in New York State. Apparently the Supreme Court Ruling applied only in situations where NYS Statute was vague. The NYS Statute requires that we use the same filing status as our Federal taxes. Therefore, the discrimination on the federal level trickles down to New York State, despite the Supreme Court ruling. Nevertheless, the federal return requires that I swear under penalty of perjury that all statements in the return are true. Will we be penalized for lying about our marital status on our tax return?

Last weekend, we were honored to host Lacey Stone and Jessica Clark for the weekend at our home in Rye. After four wonderful years of partnership, they had exchanged their vows in front of their closest friends and family in a beautiful ceremony on an island off the coast of Puerto Vallarta. They wanted seal their bond legally and arranged to have a civil ceremony in Greenwich, Connecticut, since New York State still discriminates against us with respect to marriage licenses. We listened in horror over breakfast as Jessica and Lacey described the uncertainty they face as a result of Jessica being a British citizen. She is in the process of applying for her Green Card at a cost of over $20,000. Jessica currently has a visa, however, it limits the type of work she can perform and is limited with respect to time. Jessica and Lacey would love to start a family and feel the unspeakable joy that Victor and I are experiencing; however, they do not feel comfortable doing so knowing that Jessica could be asked to leave the country upon expiration of her visa.

I take the time to write this and expose our lives to the public to illustrate the frustration we face as a result of the New York State’s and the Federal Government’s unwillingness to treat us with equality and respect. On Tax Day and on Lacey and Jessica’s Wedding Day, we are reminded that the United States and New York State, which have historically been considered a champion of civil rights, are quickly being left behind by South Africa, Spain, Argentina (former homes of Aparteid, Franco, and Pinochet) and countless other countries which have demonstrated their commitment to equality.

2010-04-15T09:58:00.001-07:00

Coco in her new TODDLER seat at 9 1/2 weeks!

2010-04-13T09:41:00.001-07:00

Coco in her new TODDLER seat at 9 1/2 weeks.

Victor or Coco??

2010-04-11T06:03:00.001-07:00

April 10, 2010 When Granny Self came up to visit, I asked her to bring some of Victor's baby pics to compare the resemblance of Victor and Coco. The pic above is Victor at two months and the pic on below is Coco at two months.

Living in the Present

2010-04-10T04:00:00.000-07:00

For the two years prior to Coco's birth, we were always waiting....waiting to be matched with a surrogate, waiting for an attorney to respond with comments to a legal document, waiting for test results, waiting for a menstrual cycle, waiting for contractions, etc... It was extremely difficult to live in the moment when we had a major life changing event on the way. The waiting was riddled with fear, uncertainty and disappointment when things did not go the way we wanted them too. Our friends Scott and Ron used to tell us that we should celebrate the discomfort of being at a fork in the road. Great advice, but clearly easier said than done.

While previously I wished we could have sped up time, now I wish that we could slow it down. Coco is growing and maturing so fast. Victor and I were in the City last weekend and we saw someone walking with a newborn which was about half the size of Coco and I said, "aww...remember when Coco was that size?" I couldn't believe the words were coming out of my mouth as I said that. I was gone to San Francisco for two days for work this week. When I came back, she seemed almost like a different person. I could be imagining it, but she was actually responding to me. I would imitate the little sounds she made and she would start giggling. For the first time, I felt like we were really communicating verbally. It was an unbelievable experience.

It is so much easier for me to live in the present when I am cherishing every moment. I am excited for the future, but I don't want it to come at the same time. Coco will only be an infant for a little while. Before we know it, she will be eating solid foods, running around, talking, going to school, and yikes...dating (although not without very strict oversight of course).

Coco with Grandpa at Easter

2 Month Checkup

2010-04-07T02:59:00.000-07:00

We went to the see Doctor Dela Mora yesterday for Coco's two month checkup. She weighed in at 13 pounds, 11 ounces. That was a bit off the charts at the 98th percentile in terms of weight. She was about th 75th percentile for height. The doctor likes to see the percetages fairly close together (ie 75th percentile in both hieght and wieght), but she is not concerned yet. We are thrilled that she has a great appetite and sleeps pretty well. Last night she slept for 8 hours, which was a record for her (from 9pm to 5am).

We have had lots of visits from family! Granny self visited in late March...it was love at first sight. Grammy Fraley stayed for Easter Weekend and Grandpa and Grandma Fraley also visited for Easter.

First Family Portrait

2010-03-24T14:46:00.000-07:00

Scott and Ron gave us the wonderful gift of a Family Portrait from Robin London. We loved the pics. Coco was a real trooper. She sat still and cooed for about three hours. Nene was a pretty good sport too! She jumped in on the fun at one point. These are our favorites from the 400 pics that Robin took. Thank you Scott and Ron...and thanks Robin!

The Daddy Vortex

2010-03-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

OK, so it's been a little over a month now and Daddyhood couldn't be better. I (Victor) really think this is what I was born to be, a Dad. It feels completely natural and organic (I know that word is overused but somehow it seems appropriate) and is the most fulfilling "job" I've ever had (after my last full-time job experience that doesn't seem like such a high hurdle but you know what I mean!).

Now, I'm still a husband, friend, son, brother, etc. but am noticing that it can be hard to balance all those roles. The days seem to fly by and they are basically centered around when Coco will eat or sleep next, what she needs and what things I need to get done in the down time I have. Pretty much everything else has taken a back seat to caring for Coco and meeting her needs. (Before the advice starts rolling in, let me say that I realize that this is a natural part of adjusting to being a parent and I am not worried, simply letting you know where I am TODAY.) Fortunately, I have a great husband who encourages and reminds me to take time out of the day for me (and us) but it's so hard to do. I feel really guilty leaving Coco for any length of time even though we have a wonderful and very capable baby nurse on hand.

I WAS a BIG email and phone person but not anymore! It seems to take me days to reply to emails and phone calls, forget it, they're virtually impossible for me to attend to. So, if you've left me a voice mail or written me an email and I haven't gotten back to you yet, I'm sorry!

This is what I call the "Daddy Vortex" (DV)...it's a space occupied by stay-at-home Dads (and Moms!) that is filled with all things baby and not much else. The DV is kind of a cool place...it's very cozy, no one cares about what you're wearing or how your hair looks and you can sing all the silly songs you like and make all the funny faces you've ever wanted to and not get any strange looks. It's filled with excitement about poopy diapers, loud belches and other bodily functions that in other environments would NOT be topics of discussion or amusement. The DV is filled with love, laughter and lots of amusing sometimes senseless chatter aimed at amusing a very easy audience!

I'm getting accustomed to life in the DV while trying to maintain the proper balance with the world outside the DV. It can be an odd balancing act BUT I'm making my way and remembering (most of the time) to just soak up every minute, every second of this experience because it will only happen once with Coco.

Until later....

Happy One Month Coco!!!

2010-03-05T02:33:00.000-08:00

Happy One Month Coco!!!

Coco was one month old yesterday. We definitely understand what people say when they say "they grow up so fast"! We look at pictures from the birth and she seems so much older and bigger than just a month ago. Part of me wants to stop the clock and keep her this adorable, chunky, cooing little sentient being, but at the same time, I am very excited to watch her grow. It is amazing to see the small changes in her behaviour and responsiveness that occurs every day. We are incredibly grateful that we have not had one health issue in her entire first month (knock on wood!)

One thing that I had not internalized was the impact that Coco would have on our family and many people around her. Not only did we gain a daughter, our parents got a new granddaughter, our nephew got a new cousin, our brothers and sisters got a new neice, etc... I did not expect our nephew Ben to be so excited about Coco's arrival. He was such an angel around her!!

Grandpa and Grammy Fraley have stopped by to visit. Grandma Fraley was feeling a little under the weather and decided to postpone the visit, be she will be here for easter. Granny Self is coming to visit on Monday for a week!

Grandpa and Ben came to visit

Tummy time with Coco and Nene

Grammy Fraley showed up at the door at 7am the morning after we got back from LA. She must have left Hartford by 5 to get there! lol...

I love this pic becuase it looks like she is Cheerleading just like her Daddy.

Cabin Fever

2010-02-24T03:44:00.000-08:00

We couldn't ask for a better baby. She eats well, sleeps well (most of the time) and is generally a very happy little girl. She isn't a whiner and makes her needs pretty clear so that us first time Dads don't have to spend too much time scratching our heads and wondering what the heck she needs or what that cry means. From the stories we've hear from other parents, we realize that WE ARE LUCKY!!!!! That said, we've also been cautioned that our little angel may switch things up on us at any moment so we are just enjoying exactly where we are right now and not worrying too much about what could/couldn't happen in the future.

The biggest adjustment for me (Victor) so far has been being trapped in the house. Now, before you brake out your violins or start offering to come over to offer me babysitting services, let me tell you that we DO have a baby nurse on hand 6 days a week. So, in reality, I could leave more or less as much as I want but this strange thing has happened since Coco was born that makes me not want to go anywhere despite wanting to go out and get things done!? Know what I mean? If you're puzzled, don't worry, you're not alone. It's a paradoxical feeling...you want to get out and do things but some switch in your psyche has been turned and you just can't. Even with a very qualified professional sitter on hand, I feel like I have to be at home or else who knows what could happen! It's crazy but nevertheless the way I feel (maybe you can relate). Also, on the day that our nurse is off (mid Tuesday - mid Wednesday), I really can't leave...not even to walk the dog! Thank goodness that Chris takes care of that for me before he heads off to work. So, for 24- hours, I get cozy in my sweats and bandanna and spend lots of time doing laundry, working on the computer, reading magazines (I actually re-read US weekly yesterday!!!), snacking, doing crunches on the floor, playing with NeNe....oh yeah and taking care of Coco!

For someone like me who is completely accustomed to coming and going as I please, this is quite an adjustment. In some ways it feels great to be "trapped" in the house. I mean it's nice not running all over the place all the time and I love our home so that makes it a great experience. Plus, I get to do fun things like call Chris at work and say "could you stop by the store and pick up some jelly beans for me, I can't get out to get them myself"... LOL! Still it's an adjustment that I'm getting use to it BUT the payoff....being able to spend all day with Coco...is SOOOOOOOOO worth it!

Our little angel is waking up so I'm off....

NeNe & Coco

2010-02-20T15:40:00.000-08:00

Before Coco there was NeNe! We've had NeNe since September 2006 and she has been the center of our attention (other than each other!) since then. We were so worried about how NeNe would react to Coco and spent many hours discussing how to introduce her to Coco and wondering how to make sure she still felt like a very important part of our family.

When Coco was born, they put a cute little hat on her head. Later that night, our friend Robin came to the hospital to visit and we asked her to take the hat home and to put it n NeNe's bed/carrier. Robin later reported back that after she put the hat in NeNe's bag, little NeNe promptly dragged it out of her bag and left it in the middle of the room. Undeterred, Robin tried a couple more times, with the same result. But, Robin's persistence paid off and eventually NeNe let the hat stay in her bag. After hearing about NeNe's reaction (which we had to pry out of Robin!), we were even more unsure how NeNe would react when we bought Coco home the next day.

So, as soon as we got home, we put a blanket down on the carpet and placed Coco on the blanket. NeNe came over and circled the blanket a few times, wagging her tail and taking quick little sniffs at our beautiful squirming little Coco. She gave her a few quick licks on the feet, started running in circles around the room, came back and licked her head and continued to be very very excited to meet Coco. Phew, what a relief!

As time has passed, NeNe seems to be bonding with Coco. When she hears her cry, she goes to her room (unless it's the middle of the night or early in the morning, in which case she just looks at us with a little annoyance on her face) and waits for us to pick her up. When we are feeding or holding her, she likes to be right there with us. She also occasionally goes to her crib and jumps up on the side to see if Coco is in there or not. She likes to lick her on the top of the head and seems to enjoy sniffing her ears too! It's really cute to watch!

I think she is a little sad that she's not the complete center of our attention anymore but she is adjusting really well. It's going to be fun to watch her develop and relationship with Coco and we know that as Coco gets older, she will love NeNe as much as we do.

Thanks for being such a good big sister NeNe!

2 Weeks Old

2010-02-19T14:28:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that Coco is already 2 weeks and 1 day old! The time is really flying by and she is changing so much everyday. She's getting more animated and getting bigger right before our eyes. It's really quite amazing to see the changes. Every minute with her is so valuable and such a gift.

Today, we went to see our pediatrician in NY for the first time. It was so much fun! OK, maybe it was just fun for us (Coco didn't seem too thrilled!) because we got to see how much weight she gained (almost a pound since 2/8/10) and how much she's grown (about a half an inch) since she was born. We also got to ask all our neurotic "first time parent" questions. Our doctor was great. She spent a lot of time with us and was much gentler in examining Coco than the doctors were in CA. (I thought Chris was going to tackle one of them because he thought he was handling Coco a little roughly!) Coco is doing great! The doctor gave her a very thorough exam and said she's in perfect health. What a relief!

These past 2-weeks have been wonderful. YES, we're tired and YES we've been thrown up on (Coco actually threw up in my hair!) and YES we are pretty much confined to our house right now BUT it's so much FUN hanging out with her and getting to know her. She makes these cool little sounds that melt your heart and she smiles (we've been told it's just gas but I prefer to think she's smiling at us) and drools and pees and poops A LOT! She's got a great personality and watching her change is a privilege.

Quality Time Coco Style

2010-02-11T08:47:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the world of feeding, sleeping, pooping and more feeding, sleeping and pooping. AND, it's all pretty much on a schedule. First Coco eats, then she sleeps then she poops. Then we clean her up and basically it starts all over again without much variation. It's nice and predictable (so far) which is comforting in some odd sort of way.

Every 3 - 4 hours we know that we will get to spend some real QT (quality time) with our little angel because she'll need to eat. We start watching the clock about an hour before her scheduled feeding time and are constantly asking each other "was that her?", "did you hear her crying?", "should we see if she's awake yet?" It's hilarious! In the mornings we actually stand by the bedroom door and wait to hear the first peep from her and then we bound into her room and start loving on her. It's the highlight of our day and we think she really likes it too!

At this point, most of Coco's day is spent sleeping so when she's awake we really try to make the most of it. She is starting to stare deep into our eyes when we feed and hold her and we're always wondering what she's thinking? She also grips our fingers and the feeling is magical. She likes the be rocked and a little bouncing makes her happy too. After she eats she gets super relaxed (we call it the "food coma") and she just stares up at us with such a beautiful, satisfied expression. It's the simplest, purest look but it melts our hearts. This is how we're spending her waking hours.

This morning, after she ate at 5:30 AM, I put her on my chest and we laid down on the bed. She was making the most delicious cooing sounds...the sound of feeling safe and satisfied. It makes us feel safe and satisfied too.

These moments are precious and we are enjoying each of them.

Tears of Joy

2010-02-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

You hear so many things about how you will feel when your child is born but once it happened to us our emotions really kicked in. We both felt an intense and immediate feeling of overwhelming, overpowering love for Coco. It's hard to put into words all the thoughts and feeling that washed over us in the moments just after she was born but suffice it to say it was POWERFUL.

Now that we've had a few days for Coco's birth to sink in, the emotions only continue to expand and deepen. We feel such a powerful sense of love and responsibility to her. We want only the best for her and want to do everything we can to protect her. We want her to be healthy, we want to be healthy for her. We want our families to meet her and to share her to our friends and loved ones. We want her to grow into a happy, loving person and to be filled with as much love for herself as we have for her. The list goes on and on and we are just taking it day by day and processing our feelings as we experience them.

Every since Coco was born, really even weeks before, Chris and I have both been very emotional. I was walking NeNe last Wednesday morning and burst into tears spontaneously. These were not sad tears rather they were tears of joy at the realization that our daughter was on her way. Just today, I was stretching at the gym and as I stretched I was looking at pictures of Coco on my iPhone and immediately started crying and smiling. I am so happy! When we got home from the gym, we were looking at our blogs and reading comments people have left regarding our posts and Chris was moved to tears. Just yesterday, Chris was sitting peacefully with Coco on the couch and a tear ran down his cheek. I asked him what was wrong and responded "nothing, I am just so happy." Amazing...

The emotional experience we are having is a blessing. It feels raw and makes us feel vulnerable but we are soaking it up. Coco is already bringing out things in us that were buried a little deeper before but have no surfaced. Thank God for her and this wonderful experience.

First Doctor's visit

2010-02-08T20:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday (Monday, Feb. 8th), we took Coco to her first appointment with the pediatrician. I will admit, I was a little nervous about the 1 hour car ride (each way) and had the normal jitters associated with visiting the doctor.

Turns out Coco slept soundly the entire way to doctor's office. Phew!

When we arrived at the doctor's office, the first the I thought was, well if Coco's not sick now, she will be when she leaves this office! That place was a germ factory and I wanted our little angel out of there as quickly as possible. (I know, I'm being a neurotic first time Dad but hey, that's what I am!) Fortunately, they pulled us into a private office within minutes (maybe the fact that I was shielding Coco every time anyone breathed heavier than I thought normal helped) and I felt instantly relieved.

After that, the visit was great. Coco did not enjoy all the doctors pokes and prods but they had to be done. Coco is in perfect health, though she did have a little eye gunk which I was concerned about (see neurotic Dad comment above!) but that the doctor said was normal. (That said, I did persist and he did prescribe eye drops which he said weren't necessary but that we could use if it would make ME feel better!)

After the doctor's appt., we headed over to Kira's house to spend some time with her family. It was a fun visit. Kira's 4-year old son Liam, was so cute with Coco. He kept rubbing her leg and saying "nice baby". It was adorable. Her daughter Ellie also chimed in with"baby" and a pointing gesture several times during the visit. We had a wonderful time, all just staring at Coco and talking about how beautiful she is. (OK, I know, all parents think their baby is beautiful!).

We headed home after our visit and again, Coco slept through the entire ride. Phew!

Day out #1 is now successfully under our belts and it went much better than I expected...

Happy Birthday

2010-02-08T17:49:00.000-08:00

On February 4th at 1:27 PM, our lives changed forever when our daughter, Coco Lee Fraley Self, was born. You hear all kinds of stories about how much love you feel for your children and all I'll say is it's 100% true. We fell in love with Coco long before we saw her. We've wanted her for so long and our love for her has grown exponentially over the months as we waited for her to be born.

Seeing her birth was nothing short of a breathtaking. The sight of her eyes for the first time melted our hearts and we will never forget the first time we touched her perfect little hands and kissed those chubby little cheeks. In our eyes, she is perfect and we are thrilled to have the opportunity to love and raise her.

We will be continuing to chronicle our journey into parenthood over the coming months. We hope that you'll keep reading and enjoy the ride with us.