Living in the Present

For the two years prior to Coco's birth, we were always waiting....waiting to be matched with a surrogate, waiting for an attorney to respond with comments to a legal document, waiting for test results, waiting for a menstrual cycle, waiting for contractions, etc... It was extremely difficult to live in the moment when we had a major life changing event on the way. The waiting was riddled with fear, uncertainty and disappointment when things did not go the way we wanted them too. Our friends Scott and Ron used to tell us that we should celebrate the discomfort of being at a fork in the road. Great advice, but clearly easier said than done.

While previously I wished we could have sped up time, now I wish that we could slow it down. Coco is growing and maturing so fast. Victor and I were in the City last weekend and we saw someone walking with a newborn which was about half the size of Coco and I said, "aww...remember when Coco was that size?" I couldn't believe the words were coming out of my mouth as I said that. I was gone to San Francisco for two days for work this week. When I came back, she seemed almost like a different person. I could be imagining it, but she was actually responding to me. I would imitate the little sounds she made and she would start giggling. For the first time, I felt like we were really communicating verbally. It was an unbelievable experience.

It is so much easier for me to live in the present when I am cherishing every moment. I am excited for the future, but I don't want it to come at the same time. Coco will only be an infant for a little while. Before we know it, she will be eating solid foods, running around, talking, going to school, and yikes...dating (although not without very strict oversight of course).

Coco with Grandpa at Easter